Interested Before Interesting
If you want a tip to get better at connecting with others, here is one from my good friends at Booster Enterprises - “Be Interested Before Being Interesting.”
Here is an example…
When you first meet someone, genuinely focus on them first before you start thinking in your mind what you want to tell them. Questions help, but make sure your intent is pure. Spend time really getting to know them. Be interested. If you do this well the following will occur:
- You will enjoy the conversation more because you invested in someone else.
- They will like you more and, thus, become more engaged than they normally would.
- You will be perceived as an interesting person.
- They will normally begin to ask you questions and, thus, become interested in you.
- They will perceive you as a great resource and worthy person, which will impact you in the future.
This is so simple, yet, subtly powerful. I have been doing this for years, but never have thought much about it until I watched my Booster friends do this extraordinarily well.
Booster is a group of 82 all-stars that serve schools across the country with character development through the Boosterthon Fun Run. They go into schools once a year and help the schools with fund raising, while at the same time teaching kids fitness, education and character.
They practice what they teach. These guys are the real deal. I have watched them be more interested than interesting and I would tell you that I hope my kids get the chance to work for them some day. By the way, if you are tired of the old ways of raising funds in your schools, go to www.boosterenterprises.com and connect with them.
Now, it is your turn. At your next conversation with a new contact be interested before interesting. Keep practicing and make this a standard in the way you connect with people.
Posted on February 03, 2010 in Leader Development
14 Comments
Robby Martin said...
Jeremy,
Good thought…but, I wonder if it applies somewhat differently to kids than adults. I just spent my early morning facilitating a small group as part of a really cool 16-week men’s Bible Study we have at our church. I find that sharing some of me first is often the way to set the tone for the degree of openness we’ll be pursuing. I AM interested in others, but it can seem presumptive to expect them to “open up” to me when they know little to nothing about me. Just my thoughts…not being disagreeable, but making the case that applications like this are often situational. Leaders have to be open to the moment, the environment, the situation…then use their God-given Wisdom (and a little prayer…ok, a lot of prayer) to make the right moves to connect and communicate. Or, am I just making excuses for hearing myself talk?
Comment by Robby Martin - Feb 03, 2010 @ 10:24 AM
Jim said...
Wow! You are right! This is magic. When the Booster guys came to our school, we were amazed at how energetic and INTERESTED they were in us. Not superficial, but GENUINE. They changed the temperature of every room they entered! It was contagious! I think we would have them back each year even if they were NOT a fund-raising company! Get Fired Up!
Comment by Jim - Feb 03, 2010 @ 10:47 AM
Nancy Hutchins said...
Hey Friend!
Brandon and I can’t help laughing on the way home after meeting or spending time with a talkative couple—we say, “They think we are fascinating!” How do we know? Because we didn’t get a WORD IN! Few can resist the temptation to talk all about themselves and their dearest interests—me included. Bottom line, if you want to capture someone’s heart and position yourself to have influence, you’ve just got to listen—and listen a lot.
Good word, Jeremie.
Nancy
Comment by Nancy Hutchins - Feb 03, 2010 @ 03:19 PM
Roger Evans said...
I have a negative feeling about using children to raise funds. Having done it for 20 years as a school admin. it just never was what the school and learning is ness for supporting children and learning. There was an element of “snake charmiing” in the motivational speaker that came to the kickoff fundraing assemblies. THere is a better way of doing business.
Comment by Roger Evans - Feb 10, 2010 @ 08:53 AM
Patrick Enenmoh said...
I tend to agree because as a personal coach you only connect when you are interested. People tend to open up more when I show a geniune interest and you also learn not only about the person but also about yourself.
However what happens if the person I am in contact with also wants to be the one who takes a genuine interest. Who goes first?
Comment by Patrick Enenmoh - Feb 10, 2010 @ 09:31 AM
bob cook said...
How many leaders fall at this first stage, brushing people aside and not taking an interest,
john maxwell said once, no one cares how much you know till they know how much you care.
simple truths we need to apply asleaders.
Comment by bob cook - Feb 10, 2010 @ 09:55 AM
Alice Cochrane said...
I loved it and agree. I prefer to ask questions. Most people actually want you to know them and to show an interest in them. I find many people are lonely and want to be loved. How can you love if it’s all about you. If I ask questions, it gives me ideas on where to plug them in with others. If they care about me they will return the questions about me. I believe loving others is mostly an outward thing.
Comment by Alice Cochrane - Feb 10, 2010 @ 02:12 PM
Funmi Olaitan said...
thank you so much for this article. I’m taking it up.
Comment by Funmi Olaitan - Feb 10, 2010 @ 04:51 PM
Andrew Rainey said...
Leaders Lead .
Comment by Andrew Rainey - Feb 10, 2010 @ 08:19 PM
Maria Ravela said...
Absolutely profound!
Comment by Maria Ravela - Feb 11, 2010 @ 02:41 AM
anand said...
Many times we are able to ‘see’ when we close our eyes as ‘eyes open’ do not see many things. Similarly, to become interesting, as suggested, one needs to be interested in others…. I intend to suggest here that… one needs to be ‘interested’ in oneself first… rest will automatically follow… and how will that happen ? Just let one try and open the gift-boxes THE ALMIHGTY has given to one !
Comment by anand - Feb 11, 2010 @ 02:54 AM
AUSTIN PEACEMAKER said...
this is awesome 4 d 21st century…i wish my bunch of friends will read dis & act d word. thumb up 4 dis article!!!
Comment by AUSTIN PEACEMAKER - Feb 11, 2010 @ 07:01 AM
Emmanuel Effa said...
Thanks for such invaluable information. I am a school teacher and a Pastor. I know that people care more about what you know once they know how much you care. But I did not know this way. I think am going to add to my chest and teach my team how to be more people oriented. we really need to be more people conscious than self conscious. Thanks once again and God be praised. Wow, this is da bomb for relationships.
Emmanuel Effa - Nigeria
Comment by Emmanuel Effa - Feb 11, 2010 @ 07:58 AM
Jacqueline said...
This information is not only practical but it’s applicable. The advice on communicating is great and the plug for your Booster friends was a plus. I did an internship at a school that used the Boosterthon Fun Run as a fundraiser. The Booster Team was energetic, exciting, and motivating. The students and administration alike enjoyed what the Booster team did for the school; through encouraging positive character the atmosphere of the school was changed. The fundraiser was great for the school, but the atmosphere change was awesome! A big shout out for your Booster friends, they’re doing a great job!
Comment by Jacqueline - Feb 11, 2010 @ 09:03 AM